Another Merry Christmas Tree

It’s December, which means it’s time for a Christmas Tree Saga from yours truly. But honestly, the drama just wasn’t there, this year, even though I chose a) the biggest tree on the lot and certainly b) the tallest of our short lives.

I dressed for the occasion

We rocked up the other day and it was still November because Husband’s travel meant he’d be away the first two weekends in December. Last year the road to perdition was muddy as fuck but being at the beginning of the festive season meant other people would get the muddy end of the stick, er trunk. Anyhoo, it was glorious outside and the kids ran around after critiquing the cider.

Aside from choosing the mobile phone tower, again, I felt like there was less to choose from, this year. In two years it looks like there’ll be a bumper crop, but I cast my eye back to the welcoming scene at the door and Husband inwardly groaned, his back twinged in anticipation. 

No, not that one

It was pre-cut and trying to catch our attention from the get-go with that seductive pose. The kids ran off the sling-shot while Husband and I had a war of eye-rolls.

Someone copped an inadvertent apple in the nuts

Everyone came to investigate and agreed that save for the mobile phone tower, it probably was, or had been, the tallest tree on the lot. The potential problem would be baling.

And carrying.

And getting it home.

But not necessarily in that order.

Anyhoo, we made it! The tree is up, no divorce in sight, and I even managed to get a few lights close to the top,

 though the star never had a chance.

Merry Christmas, y’all!


Made Flesh

Do you ever wonder what it would be like to have fave characters and their storylines made into a movie? Of course, how amazing to see it all on screen! But if it doesn’t look like you imagined it, or if it’s really just a pile of garbage, it’s hard to forget. For me, it’s hard to see the characters in my mind as they were before an actor takes them on. For example, Edward Cullen is not Robert Pattinson but I can’t remember what he looked like before I saw the movies. I think Bella was always Kristen Stewart and by that I mean #notmyfave. 

I got two books for Christmas this morning, both of which are exciting, and which made it hard to choose which one I’d read first. But I chose A Time Of Torment by John Connolly and peeples might recall that Charlie Parker is on my celebrity boyfriends list, as well as Husband’s. Long have Husband and I (loved Charlie Parker) debated who could play the man on screen, and it goes on. Charlie Parker is rugged, handsome, flinty, haunted, dark-haired, broad but not hulking, resourceful. So, please not Tom Hanks. I don’t feel like he was the best choice for the Dan Brown books, even though, sure, he’s America’s fave. And we love Tom Hanks, don’t get me wrong, but I feel like he was the box-office choice, rather than being the most suitable. We’ve debated those movies, too, and I lean more towards Clive Owen or even Hugh Jackman. 

Anyhoo, who could possibly play Charlie Parker? Husband and I disagree. I favour the more attractive types, Husband – not so much. Again, I would suggest Clive Owen, or Clive from Vikings #goddamn #yesplease, or even Javier Bardem. You see where I’m going with this – basically people I’d add to my #boyfriends list – big, dark-haired and fucking ass-kickers. Yeah, that about sums it up. 

So, er, let me grab a drink of ice water and get back to reading. 

Another Griswold Christmas

Okay, I should have written this eeeks ago when we got our tree, but whatevs. I’ve been busy and etc, just like everybody else. Let me wrack my brain and recap…
We went to the same tree farm that we have been to for the last few years. I don’t know if they recognized us but by the end of the visit, the apple sling was off limits, so, yeah.


Anyhoo, Husband drove with 7yo in the truck and when we had both arrived, we hopped out of our respective vehicles gingerly because it had been raining like cats and dogs and everywhere was boggy as shit. No one fell over straight away, but with people intent on getting their asses run over by walking behind reversing vehicles, – seriously, WTF people! – and then our kids followed the dumb ass example and nearly actually got run over. FFS! Cue the shortbread cookies and cider.
We trudged here, there and everywhere arguing over the size and stagnation of a suitable tree, and eventually settled on one but kept looking and then couldn’t find our first choice and then changed our mind, anyway.

Husband and I did agree on a tree, but then the unthinkable happened… We saw that three guys were needed to lift the mofo. Oh shit. I kept silent as it was hauled onto the trailer of the little tractor and driven away. We ambled back down the hill and waited. It took a long time, and I wondered if it had, indeed, become bogged in the mud due to the weight of the tree. It came and then was unloaded.

No apples in the face, a handful of muddy knees but no tears or swearing until much later.


All’s well that ends well? He got over it and could look me in the eye and speak civilly to me eventually.

A Griswold Family Christmas

Tomorrow is the 1st of December but the weather is supposed to set in, so since there was no bmx this weekend, we decided to get the Christmas tree.
We went to the same farm that we have visited for the last 2 years; it’s close, has cidar, candy canes and cookies (none gluten free), and also wine for purchase! Today we walked to the furthest corner of the lot and picked a tree in comparatively short order, then waited and waited as apparently, the guy on the four wheeler had forgotten about us.
Anyhoo, eventually he cut it down and wheeled it down to the cozy corner, more candy canes and cookies, and wine, then husband oversaw the bailing, while I milled around and put nearly 3yo in the car.
Cue the screaming.
6.5 and 5yos are at the apple sling,

slinging each other or generally fighting or something, that has resulted in 6.5yo having a bloody nose and all and sundry rushing over. No harm done really, but 5yo was sent to the car to at least be out of the way, poor guilty sausage that he appeared to be. We eventually calmed down his brother and cleaned him up and got an ice pack to staunch the flow, and swapped stories about brotherly love.

Husband eventually lashed the tree to the roof, and we drove away and everyone else heaved a sigh of relief as our tail lights faded. Then on the way home, the story comes out that the sling shot was not actually part of the plot. 5yo pegged the apple at his brothers gob, and the rest is history. Wtf? 6.5yo can be very annoying to 5yo at times, and some if those times result in fisticuffs, but obviously not when there are apples at hand.
Fast forward to boys wolfing down corn chips and husband struggling with a grand fucking tree in the twilight while I ty to stay out of his way and not piss him off more than I already have by choosing the largest tree imaginable. He suggests beer, all is forgiven.
But the problem remains of how to move the bastard.

The trolley was useless, a moving wheel base was only marginally less so. So far the tree is still bailed, and awaiting further action outside the front door. Husband is loathe to wield the chainsaw in darkness (isn’t that why we pay for electricity?) to either shorten the stump, reduce the circumference to a size able to be jammed into the tree stand, or even just to make the tree a smidgen lighter. Boo.
Fast forward through fighting over what to eat at dinner and sobbing over bedtimes to relaxing, *sigh*.
Merry Christmas peeps.