Green Eggs And Ham

10yo gave us a bit of grief about reading before he started pulling the all night reading benders *fist bump*. One of the things I had him do was read Green Eggs And Ham to 6yo who was widdle and potty training at the time. He would always, always poo when it was time to get the big kids off to school, or while we were driving or at school and no change tables etc. So I had the big kid read to him a bit before his usual-timed performance and the deal was, the book had to be finished before either of them could move.

It worked a treat because the littlest’s BMs became a far less inconvenient part of the leaving-for-school schedule AND, reading. Littlest started doing his own reading on the loo before long and today, four years later, he read Green Eggs And Ham to me. Granted I wasn’t powdering my nose but maybe that will give me a breather before school, if he reads to me in the throne room. Full circle!

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A Tail of Woe

‘Twas the night before school
But not even the first day;
I had already made the lunches
And was organised, I’d say.
I slept the night through and woke fine in the morning,
But I should have known better on that dark and foggy dawning.
When I walked past the bathroom
what did I find?
3.5yo in the bathroom
And to my surprise
He was climbing down from the toilet.
With – perhaps – trepidation in his eyes.
Because the loo and the wall and his hands and his pants
Were smudged with poo
And so I started to dance
With concern and disgust and while shooing the onlookers, I had to clean him and help him while protecting my fingers.
I grabbed at the TP and was searching for wipes
And that’s when I noticed the wall had brown stripes!
Oh! My dismay when I stripped off his clothes,
He refused to have a shower and was wiping his nose.
In cajoled him under the water and took the brush to his nails,
All the while imagining the germs if I failed
To wash my own hands enough and enough,
Because when I do their washing, it’s all the same stuff.
My widdle angel, at last, was sparkling and clean
With a spotless face and his nails and his bottom and peen.
And eventually dressed and fed and fighting in the car,
I was hoping this escapade was furthest and far
From the minds of big brothers when they got into school
So the tale would not find it’s way to the gossip pool.
All parents go through it,
I’m sure that they do,
But no one needs to know about the morning of poo
When I’m driving the kids through the carpool lane
And laughing eyes commiserate while I’m going insane.
So raise your wine glass for a toast to the routine of soap and water,
And, just to be sure, don’t forget the sanitiser.