A Baby Shower 

I volunteered to manage the upcoming baby shower in my office because a)everyone is way busier than I am, doing things, and b) I love organising shit like that. I don’t necessarily like standing up and directing, unless the eyes peering at me belong to under 10s and I’ve got an adult beverage in my hand, but I suppose I’ve got to put my big girl pants on sometimes and just talk, already, seeing as how I’m totes a famous author, these days.

I asked about a theme for the baby shower and was hesitantly told “Batman”. Dad is a Mexican fella and I’m a fast-talking aussie, cue the smiling and nodding when you can’t understand wtf I’m saying. Anyhoo, Batman is as good as any…

My office is full of busy folk, so I need focused activity before collars are slightly loosened and advice for the impending doom parents-to-be is forthcoming. But I also need to set the tone, so I had a few fun things taped up, and a fun (and easy) craft that even the super busy big wigs could be evil-eyed into participating in. I found a baby chandelier (omg, thats totes a thing), in a Batman theme! It worked out great except for when I tried to put it together at the table and all the strings got jumbled the fuck up. It looked like this.

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Cut to fucking forever later, it was wonderful and finished. I would have liked to paint the hoops black but we only have crayola paints in this house and that shit washes right off, and if I know anything, it’s that liquids fly when there’s a new baby in the house and who needs black painting dripping off what was, only moments before, a cute and sentimental gift from your office but has suddenly become just another thing in this fucking house that is dripping and dirty. But I digress. I was drinking entertaining last night, and could not run hither, thither and yon to find proper paint. But I think the chandelier looks cute as is, especially when the tensioned hoops were on at the end.

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Highly recommend that craft.
I also had a little note from Batman to the effect that he saved a gift from that freaky fucker Joker, and the box was full of Joker cards as well as baby swag, and adorable Batman shoes in newborn size, cute!

There is yet another office baby shower coming up, the fourth in seven months, so be on the lookout for me swearing about a nautical-themed baby shower soon.

 

New Years Adventures

I need to distract myself from the bitching and moaning over fucking minecraft over there…so.

Someone at work has a date for new years eve. It seems to be a new relationship or whatever you call it before it becomes a relationship, and I was thinking on the drive home, what was going on at the beginning of our relationship, and what dates we went on.

Firstly, let me preface this by saying that I asked Husband to marry me on the first night, so everything after that was low-stress. Sort of. 

We did a bunch of things together which were hard to categorize, so they were either “dates” or “activities”, dates being a bit romantic and just the two of us, and activities being daytime concerts or whatever else was going on at the time. 

Living on the periphery of Sydney, we had access to amazeballs *restaurants* 

but they’re expensive, so I can only recall one spendy date off the top of my head, and that was paid for by then-boyfriend’s office as a reward for some such or other. We favoured car picnics on Sydney Harbour, gazing at the view of the bridge as much as each other, having shopped at the grocery store deli counters beforehand. There were a few other dinners that were not just the two of us but they were dress-up dinners, so they counted as dates. 

Activities included aforementioned daytime concerts, going to the beach with boyfriend’s family or again, whatever else was going on at the time.

Now, I’m courting adventure as much as I’m courting Husband, and I favour live music or going to the movies. Husband does not favour movie outings because we pay as much or more for the sitter, by the end of the night, as for the movie tickets. Husband enjoys the new bars and breweries close to town with his friends, and I enjoy other bars with my friends, so we are yet to find a satisfactory meeting of the two, without falling back on activities – which are super fun, don’t get me wrong, but they aren’t the same as inching-off-nylons-in-front-of-the-fire type thing. 

Anyhoo, Husband and I will probably ring in the new year with champers while watching The Matrix movies. We watched The Batman series a few years back, and Husband has his hair slicked back, now, so, we just need leather capes and wicked sunglasses. And maybe pills? No, no pills. We don’t need no rabbit holes.

I Heart Batman

We have been watching a few movies recently, the last of which were the Dark Knight Trilogy movies. Christian Bale is not on my list of movie star boyfriends, but his Batman is. I won’t go on about the lisp or the raspy voice or the whatever whatevers, but Batman is dark and dangerous and pretty dang all right. I’m  not convinced about Ben Affleck being in the next Batman film, but Husband told me it’s actually a Superman film, and that is almost a separate genre.
Have you seen any of the Batdad videos? Please do, they are super funny, and I have tried out the voice a few times in public, it’s funny as hell. But now I’m out of practice and my voice gets all raspy. I’ve tried a few short vids on my facebook page, they are ok. Husband did a Baine voice in one of them, squeaky, scary, funny. Can’t go wrong.
But what is it about Batman? He cannot fly. He’s got gadgets, sure, but the fact that he is human is part of his deal, I think. Not all super heroes are, I  believe, though I’m no expert. I don’t  really know any others except for Superman and Wonder Woman, and the other two or three from the Lego Batman movie, but I don’t know their names.
Anyhoo, Batman rocks, and he is human, and he has cool shit.

I am sometimes like Batman because…

Well, actually I am sometimes like Alfred because I pick up all sorts of shit (dirty laundry, anyone?).

I sometimes drive fast in my car, though it’s not black and lacks a certain conspicuous, how do you say, armour.

I don’t actually have a Batman mask, but I wish I did.

Sometimes I yell in a scary mom voice.

Sometimes I wear clothes that might be too tight for me.

I am contemplating putting in secret doors in my house.

I have been in the social pages a few times, though never on the front page, and never with scantily clad women.

My alter ego comes out when there are hooligans about.

I sometimes throw things at my people, though they aren’t small, sharp bat-shaped things.

I am looking forward to a long holiday when Gotham no longer needs me.

*I AM THE BATMAN*