It is funny how you start seeing the same thing everywhere when you didn’t see it before, whether it is the car that you just bought (I bought a Datsun Stanza in the late 90s, and having never seen one before then, they were everywhere there after) or when you decide to get pregnant for the first time. For a while it was seeing babies and pregnant women after we lost our son. They were so prevalent, it seemed like a reproductive army was following me around. I would tear up in restaurants or the library, or just walking down the street. They haven’t really faded into the background as much as the Stanzas eventually did, and I still see a lot of maroon Traverses driving around town, but I suppose I stopped letting them upset me as much. Every once in a while I would be caught off guard, but that happens less and less often. But then something will remind me, quite bluntly – and that is probably due only to my mood at the time – that I could have had another baby grow in my arms until he started walking, I could have had those cuddles and sleepless nights, I could have had more time to wonder at small hands and feet and a thousand other tiny details. Yesterday I was caught off guard by a lovely lady swanning around with a petite bump, and it hurt my heart. Excuse me while I bury my face in booties and bonnets and heirloom wool.