Worst dream ever

When I have bad dreams – I rarely have actual nightmares – I still want to be reassured before going back to sleep. I’m not 4 anymore so there is not much excuse for the “I had a bad dreeeeeam” waking in the middle of the night for a hug – regardless of what Husband says, but I still need that. Last night I had an awful dream. I didn’t wake Husband, and I didn’t rest my hand on his arm, which works like reassurance if I deign to let the poor bastard sleep, but I really wanted some of that.
It was The End of The World. There was radiation, volcanoes, tsunamis, everything. We didn’t want the boys to be hurt, afraid or experience any of the doomsday stuff so we killed. We gave them a drink that tasted like charcoal that would send them off to sleep, never to wake again. I had one as well because I didn’t want to live without them, but it didn’t kill me, so I felt awful for the rest of my short life.
After our babies were gone, Husband went off to Sydney because that’s where he wanted to die. I went north to Seattle, I think it was because I hadn’t been there much before. I ended up seeing a bunch of my mummy friends along the way. Some people were spending their last few hours exercising because they didn’t reach their weight loss goals. I was so lonely and sad, I just couldn’t believe that the world would finally end, but then the sky was eerie and there was foreboding in the air, and then it started happening, the world was Ending. I was appalled and then I was awake. There were momentous feelings of unbelievable relief when I woke up, it had felt so real! I’m sure I lay there/here for a few minutes just appreciating that the world had not, in fact, ended.
When I snapped back to tired reality (it was 2 something), I was caught between writing down the sordid adventure and just forgetting the whole awful dream. Eventually I went back to sleep but I remembered it anyway, which rarely happens. It would be nice if I could remember the good dreams instead.
My mother always told me that bad dreams are your body’s way of waking you up, perhaps for a trip to the bathroom or if you are too hot, etc. Remembering that has helped calm me for the last twenty years – that makes me feel old! – and last night was no different. I was too hot and also thirsty. I didn’t get a drink because I felt too frazzled to move, but it helped realising why I had the dream. Of course, it would be much nicer to merely wake up serenely, or dream of powdering one’s nose with a big soft fluffy fluff ball and glancing behind to see a sparkling clean commode that I have never had to clean and making a decision to make use of the facilities. That absolutely sounds like a dream – a pipe dream! Ho hum.


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