I don’t like the idea of layers of fat, but I do like the idea of sleeping for extended periods and being roasty toasty the whole time. That is the scientifix description of hibernation, and that is just fine with me. These are my sure-fire signs that one is going into hibernation :
One stops shaving one’s legs, causing the hair:body ratio to change drastically;
One eats for longevity, often carb-loading because they taste so so good;
Taking Vitamin D tablets as a substitute for sunlight, because sometimes one won’t go outside all day – sad but true;
Wearing slippers, robes or blankets over one’s clothes during the day because one will never be as warm as when simply staying in bed;
Drinking more than usual amounts of red wine, mulled wine, spirits, wine, beer or wine in the hopes that one will be able to sleep for the rest of the season.
Then I had to socialise a little, and decided that going to parties with hairy legs and sweats was not all it was cracked up to be. I have not shaved my legs yet, but I am trying to fight the 5 signs of hibernation – much as women everywhere are fighting the 7 signs of aging – and, while I have to be philosophical about it, I think I am winning this battle. But how?
I found extra time in my day, but only because my children are (gasp !NO! sob) growing up, and I decided against spending more time in the laundry or kitchen sink.
I joined a gym, so I am driving somewhere to exercise, and am figuratively nodding and backing away from the dust and clothing all over the otherwise perfectly good elliptical machine in the spare room.
I have become semi-obsessed with the group training schedules.
I put down the fork, even though forks love me.
I went out to dinner and filled up on a curry rice bowl so I didn’t have room for sweets. This now counts as a trend because I think about that one good decision all the time.
I drink a whole tea pot in one sitting, and try valiantly to ignore my body’s signs of withdrawal from late night snack sessions, which may sometimes be known as 4th meal.
I try to remember to open the blinds, so I can peer at the clouds in search of sunlight.
I try to wear actual clothes, instead of blankety things, and limit the use of my dressing gown (robe) to before noon on weekends.
I try very hard to limit my wine intake to when the boys are asleep. I am so very thankful that they (touch wood Touch WOOD) go to bed at a decent time and stay asleep for 10-11 hours each and every night.
Now I would like to get intimate with my heated throw, and that has got me thinking about a new category of hibernation: those in plain sight. Plain sight hibernating would require a bit of cunning, I think, but with some forethought as well, would be entirely doable, and now that I think about it, a must do. Tips for hibernating in plain sight include:
There is the snuggi, obviously, the group snug, the everything else snug and various snuggi rip-offs if one wants the same drab appearance but availability of opposable thumbs as when heaped in microfleece.
Get hi-tech on your blanketed ass and buy motorcycle heated thermal underwear, as well as shoe – or slipper – inserts.
Get one of those bras with wine in the cups that everyone loves on facebook right now, to increase your beverage intake and consequently your sleep requirements.
Hide carbohydrate-rich foods in places the kids won’t find them so you won’t have to share, like the bathroom – mine only run in at the very last minute and run out after the quickest of washes, so they wouldn’t have time to find those tasty snacks.
Use these suggestions wisely, else you find yourself pairing accessories with your fave snuggi for a seasonal party. That would be taking things a trifle too far.