It’s no secret I like to make my own stuff – clothes, granola, people, you name it.

I’ve made kombucha before, as well, but fell off the wagon when I turned my tiny attention span in other directions. But now, as old age places its sticky fingers on my horizon, bringing with it uncool older people problems like an occasionally sluggish gut, moodier swings and real hangovers, I need to get back to the good stuff. I need to take a bit of extra care so my farts can fart instead of getting caught up on polyps or something, or even worse, I have to stop eating more foods that I love but that don’t love me back, like onions, garlic, potato and broccoli.

Anyhoo, back to the Kombucha. You can find loads of good recipes online but I’m keeping it clean this time, whereas before I did secondary fermentations – totes delish but time-consumimg in a way I can’t support.

Black tea – about a quart or two, a cup or two of sugar. Let it cool all the way down, probs overnight. Pour the remains of a store-bought kombucha with the mothery gunk floating in it, or try craigslist and risk getting a jar of someone’s boogers. Cover it up because bugs love that shit.

Leave it in a warmish place but out of direct light for a few weeks, then enjoy that vinegary soda all you like.
Secondary fermentations involve pouring the kombucha tea into another jar or bottle etc and adding cut up fruit – the best I made was with asian pear or fig, can’t remember which. It was the right combo of fruity sweet flavour and soda-y bubbles. Except it got a bit shook up and basically exploded on me when I chanced opening it. I have also juiced fruits and veges and added it to the kombucha tea, very nice.

Always keep your kombucha mother in her own jar, don’t add anything except the room temp black tea and dissolved sugar. The mother is always separate from whatever you may add to the drinking tea.

When you’ve drained off the kombucha for drinking, make more black tea and add it so the old girl doesn’t shrivel up and die, though from what I’ve seen of the Beverley Hillbillies, she’ll be tough as nails and twice as strong.