Who is the Man Of Your Dreams?

This is not a trick question and I think you can only answer “my husband” if you want to ruin the fun. Spoiler:  I would say “my husband” because I proposed to him the night I met him because I thought he was the man of my dreams, but I digress.

Keanu Reeves was a love of mine well before I met Husband, and let me tell you, while I have or have had a few photos of Husband around the house, I had large posters of Keanu plastered over the walls of my bedroom in high school. And you know what? I’d do it again, the man ages well.

keanu

I wanted to watch The Lake House (2006) last night but the disc eluded me (not sure if we ever actually owned it after I woke up this morning) and our streaming is shit. I was looking for it online this morning and came across a bunch of films of his that I haven’t seen, and I think this is turning into a Keanu-ATHON, much like the other -ATHONS I see coming out at the end of the year. But a Keanu-ATHON seems like a pretty nice way to round out an occasionally fucked up and shitty year, though it was sprinkled with a few positive things, too, of course.

to name  but a few

Anyhoo, I’m going to make a list of Keanu movies and I’m going to check it twice.

 SPF-18 2017
 2017John Wick: Chapter 2 2017 yup
 To the Bone 2017
 The Bad Batch 2016
 The Neon Demon 2016
 The Whole Truth 2016
 Keanu 2016
 Exposed 2016
 Knock Knock 2015
 John Wick 2014 yup
 47 Ronin 2013
 Man of Tai Chi 2013
 Generation Um… 2012
 Henry’s Crime 2010
 The Private Lives of Pippa Lee 2009
 The Day the Earth Stood Still 2008 yup
 Street Kings 2008
 The Lake House 2006 yup
 A Scanner Darkly 2006
 Constantine 2005 yup
 Thumbsucker 2005
 Ellie Parker 2005
 Something’s Gotta Give 2003 yup
 Matrix Revolutions 2003 yup
 The Matrix Reloaded 2003 yup
 Hardball 2001
 Sweet November 2001
 The Gift 2000 yup
 The Watcher 2000
 The Replacements 2000
 Me and Will 1999
 The Matrix 1999 yup
 The Devil’s Advocate 1997 yup
The Last Time I Committed Suicide 1997
 Feeling Minnesota 1996
 Chain Reaction 1996
 A Walk in the Clouds 1995 yup
Johnny Mnemonic 1995
 Speed 1994 yup
 Little Buddha 1993
 Even Cowgirls Get the Blues 1993
 Freaked 1993
Much Ado About Nothing 1993 yup
 Bram Stoker’s Dracula 1992 yup
 Providence 1991
 My Own Private Idaho 1991
 Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey 1991 yup
 Point Break 1991 yup
 Tune in Tomorrow… 1990
 I Love You to Death 1990
 Parenthood 1989 yup
 Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure 1989 yup
Dangerous Liaisons 1988
 The Prince of Pennsylvania 1988
 Permanent Record 1988
 The Night Before 1988
 River’s Edge 1986
 Flying 1986
 Youngblood 1986
 One Step Away 1985

So, I’ma get on amazon prime right now and see what’s what, and see you next year, maybe.

Another Merry Christmas Tree

It’s December, which means it’s time for a Christmas Tree Saga from yours truly. But honestly, the drama just wasn’t there, this year, even though I chose a) the biggest tree on the lot and certainly b) the tallest of our short lives.

I dressed for the occasion

We rocked up the other day and it was still November because Husband’s travel meant he’d be away the first two weekends in December. Last year the road to perdition was muddy as fuck but being at the beginning of the festive season meant other people would get the muddy end of the stick, er trunk. Anyhoo, it was glorious outside and the kids ran around after critiquing the cider.

Aside from choosing the mobile phone tower, again, I felt like there was less to choose from, this year. In two years it looks like there’ll be a bumper crop, but I cast my eye back to the welcoming scene at the door and Husband inwardly groaned, his back twinged in anticipation. 

No, not that one

It was pre-cut and trying to catch our attention from the get-go with that seductive pose. The kids ran off the sling-shot while Husband and I had a war of eye-rolls.

Someone copped an inadvertent apple in the nuts

Everyone came to investigate and agreed that save for the mobile phone tower, it probably was, or had been, the tallest tree on the lot. The potential problem would be baling.

And carrying.

And getting it home.

But not necessarily in that order.

Anyhoo, we made it! The tree is up, no divorce in sight, and I even managed to get a few lights close to the top,

 though the star never had a chance.

Merry Christmas, y’all!

Green Eggs And Ham

10yo gave us a bit of grief about reading before he started pulling the all night reading benders *fist bump*. One of the things I had him do was read Green Eggs And Ham to 6yo who was widdle and potty training at the time. He would always, always poo when it was time to get the big kids off to school, or while we were driving or at school and no change tables etc. So I had the big kid read to him a bit before his usual-timed performance and the deal was, the book had to be finished before either of them could move.

It worked a treat because the littlest’s BMs became a far less inconvenient part of the leaving-for-school schedule AND, reading. Littlest started doing his own reading on the loo before long and today, four years later, he read Green Eggs And Ham to me. Granted I wasn’t powdering my nose but maybe that will give me a breather before school, if he reads to me in the throne room. Full circle!

Apocalypse Now

By the time you read this, I could be dead, or very badly hurt, or just badly hurt. Or certainly embarrassed. It’s Saturday and Husband and I are off to another Warrior Dash. The weather appears to be closing in and it may be a sign of my, at least, impending doom.

Impending doom?

I’m out of shape and often out of humor for exercise, save for the foregone conclusion of a drink or two afterwards. So why did I agree to be a part of the continuing trend of trying not to hurt yourself in some sort of event that aims to hurt you? Ask me again in a couple of hours when it’s all over red rover. I’ll be (hospitalized) euphoric that I’m a) alive, b) unscathed and c) choc full of those hormones that pump through your body because of a) and b).
This is my last year of competition, though, unless I rev up my gym visits and stop hurting myself when I try a few sets of push-ups (true story).

Today we are going for the super hero mindset, so I’m dressed accordingly.

Transformation complete

I’ve tossed around the idea of dressing as She Ra for halloween but the shirt may well be ruined after this little outing. Someone please alert my parents if there are no subsequent check-ins later today, or at least, check the hospitals.

Kombucha Time, Again

It’s no secret I like to make my own stuff – clothes, granola, people, you name it.

I’ve made kombucha before, as well, but fell off the wagon when I turned my tiny attention span in other directions. But now, as old age places its sticky fingers on my horizon, bringing with it uncool older people problems like an occasionally sluggish gut, moodier swings and real hangovers, I need to get back to the good stuff. I need to take a bit of extra care so my farts can fart instead of getting caught up on polyps or something, or even worse, I have to stop eating more foods that I love but that don’t love me back, like onions, garlic, potato and broccoli.

Anyhoo, back to the Kombucha. You can find loads of good recipes online but I’m keeping it clean this time, whereas before I did secondary fermentations – totes delish but time-consumimg in a way I can’t support.

Black tea – about a quart or two, a cup or two of sugar. Let it cool all the way down, probs overnight. Pour the remains of a store-bought kombucha with the mothery gunk floating in it, or try craigslist and risk getting a jar of someone’s boogers. Cover it up because bugs love that shit.

Leave it in a warmish place but out of direct light for a few weeks, then enjoy that vinegary soda all you like.
Secondary fermentations involve pouring the kombucha tea into another jar or bottle etc and adding cut up fruit – the best I made was with asian pear or fig, can’t remember which. It was the right combo of fruity sweet flavour and soda-y bubbles. Except it got a bit shook up and basically exploded on me when I chanced opening it. I have also juiced fruits and veges and added it to the kombucha tea, very nice.

Always keep your kombucha mother in her own jar, don’t add anything except the room temp black tea and dissolved sugar. The mother is always separate from whatever you may add to the drinking tea.

When you’ve drained off the kombucha for drinking, make more black tea and add it so the old girl doesn’t shrivel up and die, though from what I’ve seen of the Beverley Hillbillies, she’ll be tough as nails and twice as strong.

Another Dynamite Party

So. I have a 9yo. He has long hair and smells like a man more often than he realises. We decided on a Napoleon Dynanite theme for his party a while back, but he changed his mind and I had to work on him to change it back because how cool would a Napoleon Dynamite birthday party be??? Seriously, tots, ligers and friendship bracelets, that movie has it all. And so did his party!

Husband bought a shitload of tots and fish fingers, AKA delicious bass. 

We had the obligatory cake and healthy snacks, too, from Tina (that fat lard)’s garden.

I was so glad that a handful of people took advantage of the Deb’s Glamor station, there were heaps of kids “finding their season”.

And you wouldn’t believe how busy the friendship bracelet station was!  I guess everyone wants Pedro’s protection. This shot taken while one of the Mamas had room to breathe.

 I also made up some Rex Kwon Do tattoos with the diy papers I bought from amazon, but the brand I ordered this time wasn’t as reliable as last time. 

Luckily Rex put in an appearance with Uncle Rico, and he helped with the pinata!

Obviously, we couldn’t have a pinata of a girl, regardless of what goes on in Juarez, so I made a rainbow and the kids took turns beating the shit out of it. I’m done with candy, I don’t need that at a party full of under 10s, so I had badges made that said VOTE FOR PEDRO and they were a hit. Mission accomplished!

Milk-tasting, 

a sketching station and then the movie itself, what a fun afternoon. And the mark of every fun party is when one of the dads falls asleep on the couch.

Reasons I Hate Camping This Time Around

Or why I am a terrible human bean, because Husband does a good job of packing most things and maybe it’s not really so heinous.

My sleeping bag: swaddled in nylon, and not the cute vintage nightgown type, but the padded tarpaulin that doesn’t breathe and makes my vagina swampy because of the not breathing, not natural fabric, type nylon.

The weather: Hot and soupy in the bus, then freezing in the night so I wake and double-check the boys are covered since they weren’t before when it was hot af, and not be able to get back to sleep.

My sleeping bag: it makes lots of noise because of the tarpaulin thing, which keeps me awake and wakes me up every time I fucking move or breathe.

People: they start their diesel engined RVs rudely early, which wakes me up and because I can see outside, it stops my brain from going back to sleep, so… fuck those guys.

Packing: I always forget that I want to clean my ears after swimming or just baking in my sleeping bag and I don’t bring any cotton tips. 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not not an outdoor girl, but I respect outdoors when I can come indoors and wash it all away. And also, I guess I need a new sleeping bag.

The Different Summer

There are only 2 weeks left until school starts! I am in two minds about this because the kids drive me mad quite a bit, but also, I haven’t had half as much quality time with them this year, as in previous years. I had a nice week here and there, but that’s it. There were no themed-camp weeks, or gardening, or much else. There was fuck all, really. But there were life lessons in there, anyway, as there are for any who might look for the silver lining.

My kids are not the centre of the universe: I like to think that they knew this already, since I’ve never dropped anything to be at their beck and call, but since I’m working and they are home with Husband, who is also working but just from home, I’m not available to them. They’ve had to make their own adventures, which I think they’ve done in the past, anyway, but let’s face it, my adventures kick ass! They have learned that they fit into a social fabric, rather than being the yarn of the fabric, or whatever other metaphor you like. 

Their actions have consequences: Again, I think they knew this but they surely had it reinforced when I came home in the afternoon/early evenings and if they were dicks, they would hear about it! 

If something hadn’t been done by the time I got home that I had asked about in the mornings, then get thee to bed, devils. 
There’s not always enough time: We ran out of time for pretty much everything this summer, and we all had to just deal. We all wanted playdates and day trips and creative opportunities. There were half as many daytrips and a mere tenth of the number of playdates we would have liked, but with soon-to-be 9yos birthday coming up, we hope to rectify that a little with a stupidly large party that includes two classes, at least that’s an opportunity for some creativity.

I can’t imagine that next summer will be any different, but maybe we’ll be used to it by then?

The Order Of The Day

Besides no whining about screens? Fun! It’s eclipse day and the sky is clear, so clear and bright. We have our pimped out solar glasses and are just trying to figure out where the moon is. We’ve used the glasses a few times already, looking at the sun in all its sunny glory, so we’re good and not blind.

But what does one wear to the end of the world/eclipse? Something flowy, obvs.

What does one listen to during an eclipse? Something loud.

And what does one drink? Something bubbly!

And eat? Duh, everything.

See you on the other side, peeps.