All The Things

This week was all the things, including all the feels. I had the week off work since Husband is living it up in the Swiss Alps or etc. Nothing more I appreciate than that my office is understanding about child care!

This week was the absolute best, and not because Husband was absent, but I wouldn’t have been home if he was here, so, draw your own conclusions. I had been looking forward to this week for the last month and let me tell you, parenting paid dividends, this time.

I, of course, had high expectations of everything we would do and we haven’t achieved all of them, but we’ve had the best week, and I didn’t even drink! Here is a rundown:

Monday: hot AF, park, bike riding, skaty bowl, treasure-hunting at goodwill

Tuesday: skaty bowl with friends, other skaty bowl

Wednesday: gorgeous weather, #makemusicday, #makemusicsalem, saw friends, saw #salemsown #therealkyloren as well (he’s had a haircut and looks hotter than ever), saw all our fave bands, frozen yogurt, park, skootering and skateboarding

Thursday: park, scootering, skateboarding, playing in the river, kids art studio, trendy cafe where kids tried new food and didn’t embarrass me

Friday: played wii games with the boys (wii-athon that did not turn into a pissing match, haha!),  trendy cafe again for gf donut holes and we read books quietly, kids art studio. 

I’ve even managed to wash some clothes and have the boys put them away, shock horror [insert licture of laundry – is there an emoji for that, yet??]; last night we had afternoon tea for dinner; the boys have mostly cleaned up that fucking mess of a room where the goddamn lego was fucking everywhere including under and around their expensive bloody instruments. Wonders, people, wonders, never, cease.

Other things I have enjoyed without interference from getting ready for work or being at work or driving to and from work include: sleeping in, wearing skirts, reading til all hours (I do this anyway but it was better this week), relaxed kids, not driving to school, self-directed reading, boys being excited about summer projects, baking, life lessons like patience and making mistakes, and so many other things that I’ve forgotten because I was living in the moment.

Husband will be home tomorrow night and he’s excited to be home because I do all the fun stuff. Thing is, though, I’m back at work next week so the un stuff goes out the window and I’ll be grumpy and poo-bootsy again for being stuck indoors and not on vacation for 3 straight months. That’s where the drinking starts again, I guess. 


Just Say No


Don’t do it. Don’t get married and don’t have kids. Stay young and beautiful and naive and do what you want and don’t get grey hair and tired.

Disclaimer: reading a book about cheating husbands whilst stuck in a broken down bus on the side of I5 with kids who won’t shut the fuck up or leave each other alone.

Working for the Man

5yo starts kindergarten in September and so it will be daytime soap operas and martinis for me, or will it? Maybe I end up getting a job. It wouldn’t be the end of the world but it’s hard to imagine working for the man when I’m still working for my men right now.
My kids have ruined me and now I can’t imagine working for a boss that’s not myself, or someone who isn’t necessarily much shorter and younger than me spouting ‘tude and asking for a smack on the butt without challenging me on sexually appropriate behaviour in the workplace.
What would happen if I did stuff in an office – which is where I used to work – like what goes on at home?
? Swearing under my breath – someone would hear it and understand it and I’d get in trouble.
? Not doing jobs – laundry and etc piling up – I resent getting interrupted to have to do chores and I’m not sure I make that work in a situation where I’m getting paid in more than hugs and kisses and Darwinian satisfaction without having to actual work.
? Staying up late to be adulting rather than parenting, I’d be tired at work just like I am now, except that whole getting paid in more than thing again.
? Googling personal shit instead of what I’m really supposed to be doing. I’m pretty sure it’s harder to do when not reclining with phone in hand on a couch.
? Turning up late and letting coworkers to take care of their own shit, eg boys getting dressed and breakfasted and occupying themselves while I sleep in. Actually that sounds like a promotion and a payrise. Maybe getting out on the workplace won’t be so bad after all.

He Said, She Said

So who had a better time last night? Husband was at a beer convention, which sounds like it ought be the winner without even tying, since I was at home with 3 energetic boys. 6yo has soccer practice tuesdays and thursdays and he is usually amped up afterwards, rather than all used up, as I would have expected. Anyhoo, here are my conclusions…
Husband got to leave early, while I went and picked up the big boys from school.
Points: Husband, 1.
Husband drove his sports car, but it was still an hour, and in probably a bit of traffic, but he still had no one else in the car with him. I drove 10 minutes to and from school.
Points: Husband, 1.
Husband checked into his lodging and goofed off doing whatever he wanted before this beer thing started. He said he could have brought his bike to ride around through (busy narrow streets) town beforehand. I stayed for soccer practice in between. It was nice and sunny, but I was still hanging out mostly with my own kids.
Points: Husband, 1. Me, 1.
8yo received a birthday present in the mail yesterday, including (thankfully small) aussie chocolates – we all know how that would have ended – and after calling to “check in”, I ate one for me and then I ate the one that I had been trying to save for Husband.
Points: Me, 2.
Husband walked around drinking his beverage of choice, sans children or annoyances of any kind. I peaked too son and ran out of ideas after feeding the boys an early dinner.
Points: Husband, 1.
Husband probably got very drunk; I know (he said) he got in around midnight, but there was no word on an actual bedtime. I made myself a cocktail from leftovers while the kids watched Paw Patrol, and I even managed to get the kids to put their clean clothes away.
Points: Husband, 1. Me, 2.
I watched 8 episodes of Outlander back to back, while eating cookies and drinking tea.
Points: Me, 10.
Husband and I apparently slept for the same amount of hours, i.e. not many. He then drove to meet friends before driving home. I made 1.5 school lunches before taking the big boys to school early, and then having fabulous crepes for brunch, before coming home and sleeping for 3 hours
Points: Me, 3.
Total Points: Husband, 5. Me, 18.

So there you have it. Husband had a mediocre time at a beer convention, while I had the last laugh, and…

They probably think I’m awful

But 4yo doesn’t get out of the fucking pool when I tell him. He swims away and plays with the other fucking parents. He ignores me, and has gone from one side of the pool to the other to avoid me. So I yell at him. Not full yell, but quiet yell. And they look at me from behind their brightly colored prams while their 2yo learns to blow bubbles or whatever. Fuck off. It’s not like we haven’t been doing the same thing for 2 years, and that he doesn’t know the rules of the pool and what he is and is not allowed to do.
And then he cries like he is being beaten. But, of course, it’s because I have not given him his hot wheels cars to smash against the wall in the shower. And then he suddenly stops crying, as though his breath has suddenly and awfully cut off. But, of course, it’s because I asked him if he wanted a cuddle and he tearfully nodded and swallowed his cries.
I’m not an awful parent (all of the time), I guess I just have awful interactions with my kids on occasion when there are the most witnesses. Sigh.