It’s a Rich Man’s world

8yo told me the other day that we are wasting our money – he might actually have said we are flushing it down the toilet, since they are all on a poo/stinky/toilet humour kick right now – by buying school pants, because the knees always get torn. My response was something along the lines of “put on your pajamas and get in bed NOW”, but I think I might also briefly have touched on the merits of ruining only one specific type of pants during school, rather than every single pair they own.
The big boys don’t like wearing their school pants because not many of the other kids wear blue chinos, but Husband and I can hardly bear to see the kids not wearing school uniforms and so blue chinos is our compromise. The knees do get torn to shreds, of course, and I fix them when I can (when the sewing basket overflows) and then I cut off all the legs and sew them into shorts. I’ve tried those cute monster patches but 8yo abhors anything that will draw further attention. Granted, the second week of the new school year, those chinos aren’t so elementary school chic as they were the previous week, but I’m not ready to give up on them yet.
There are, in fact, so many other things that I might be construed as wasting our money on, even moreso then blue chinos for elementary-aged monkeys, and my list is thus:

Bedding. The boys use a fitted sheet, and a blanket. Sometimes a sleeping bag.

Beds. Sometimes the kids sleep on the floor under their beds. Sometimes they do this for days on end because “it’s fun”. I wish they would have told us that before we spent money on keeping them comfortable off the floor.

Bedroom Furniture. Their clothes are strewn from hell to breakfast at the best of times – especially inside their wardrobe – and then rolled up and stuffed into half open drawers. I could easily have kept all those plastic bags from grocery shopping (before I stopped using them) for clothing storage. I might also have been able to find an abandoned shopping trolley to store them in.

Toys. We have had endless hours of enthusiastic engagement and hilarity from cardboard boxes and tape. Maybe even some bubblewrap. But mostly just cardboard and whatever other pieces of random actual garbage are lying around. I built a NASA substation a few years ago with nappy boxes, an old earphone set from a plane trip, a few paper cups, an old computer keyboard and I don’t even know what other stuff was jammed into the cardboard. The point is that those pieces of cardboard taped together haphazardly were THE most awesome toy ever. The cost was zero. I mean, priceless.

Puzzles. They get emptied onto the floor semi-regularly, and thrown back into a box containing pieces from all of the 27 rarely-used puzzles because it’s too hard to sort them out.

Toy Storage. No explanation needed.

Vitamins. We don’t actually get these very often, and I’m sure it’s because 4yo picks his nose and eats it all the stinking time, sometimes just to spite us because we ask or tell him not to. His immune system could take a holiday for a month and still have nothing to worry about; he’s eaten so many boogers he’s got immunity banked up for bloody ages.

Cutlery. Nothing new here.

Table Cloths. I should know better than to waste money on table cloths.

You get the idea. I could buy many, many pairs of blue chinos with the money saved from not buying even just some of the items on this list. Or I could buy more wine, a massage, regular haircuts or relaxing treatments of various kinds so I would stop worrying about what I was wasting all our money on besides school pants.

Baby Rabbit

The boys obviously have a shit ton of toys, that goes without saying for any kid, of course. But some toys are more important to them than others, and some are more important to me. Husband wouldn’t know what they have as they play with approximately 2% of what they own on any given day, except when one tries to downsize and donate. Mmm hmmm.
Anyhoo, there are one or two special toys that they sleep with, and then a few hangers on, and the ones that are special to me aren’t necessarily in either of those groups. Now, it goes without saying that some toy or toys will be lost, and it will be a terrible scene-maker when the child finds out, and so I try at all costs, to avoid losing toys, as you do.
It went like this…
3yo insisted on having the window down in the car this afternoon, on the school run. Crazy that I obliged him, but there it is. Being an occasional a-hole, he grabbed whatever he could lay his chubby widdle hands on and threw it out the window. It was Baby Rabbit, who belongs to 5yo. I didn’t realise it until 3yo had apparently thrown something out the window, according to 7yo, and I knew Baby Rabbit had been in the car and assumed the worst. But Baby Rabbit was not on the road. So I drove back the way we had come after collecting the eagle-eyed 7yo, and saw Baby Rabbit in the median strip-area in front of another school.
Thank goodness no other child had picked him up, I would have been heartbroken. Baby Rabbit was a gift from Nanny when 5yo was born, and is a beautiful widdle bunny who was wearing an adorable powder blue jumper when he arrived in a basket of flowers. So even though Big Spot usually has pride of place, and Blue Dog and Penguin are sometimes in and sometimes under the bed, Baby Rabbit is special to me, and I was super worried that we wouldn’t find him on the drive back.
5yo did lose another toy when he was 3,

image

What a dapper outfit


just after this photo was taken (see the poor lost whale/dolphin/dugong in pride of place a few days before it’s loss) and his reaction was as above, and the event is still discussed today.
7yo has lost one or two special-to-me toys which I have tried vehemently to find with no luck, and there was a few weeks when I was coming to terms with the loss of Cow, who has been a fave of all the boys but is now 3yo’s bestie. But it was apparently at a friend’s house whom we had visited, and I was so overjoyed when she said casuslly “Hey, is this yours?” that I nearly bawled.
Anyhoo, crisis averted, and Baby Rabbit is home, sweet home, again,
image
somewhere.

Clean Up-ril

I like the sound of that, not quite as totes amazeballs as #dinovember – what an awesome idea – but our kids would never know about it because our house is too messy, much to Husband’s chagrin.
It’s easy enough, or sometimes hard enough, to get boys to put away the trains, the blocks and make piles of books (because putting them back on the bothering shelves is so bothering hard), but it seems impossible to put away the token leftovers, the random lever and mouse from the board game, the unmatched puzzle pieces, a hotwheels car or two plus the other 27 small metal or plastic pieces of flotsam and jetsom floating on the carpet of the playroom. So I usually stop asking them to put shit away after the book piling and the incessant whinging about it.  It’s easier at that point to give them dinner to keep their mouths busy. Perhaps we could use the people toys that we have, the dolls or the figurines. Dinosaurs would inevitably go unnoticed, but a Mr Incredible huddled around a broken glass probably wouldn’t. A ninja turtle swinging his ninja stick (I’m sure that thing has a proper name) over some squashed grapes (which, incidentally, the boys begged for and now won’t give the time of day to), may be cause for exclamation.
But I digress. During Clean up-ril, said toys could clean up areas of the house that have seen some wear and tear, like the wine or the hot chocolate stains on the carpet, the tiles and window sills with crayon, the walls behind the chairs at the breakfast table, the benchtop where the coffee grinder sits, the stove top,  the top of every cupboard door (and the light switches and door handles)…I could go on all night. Actually I couldn’t because Husband has started snoring and I’m having trouble concentrating. Anyhoo, one gets the idea of all the shit that toys that magically come to life could wave their magic plastic forearms over and make clean again, or perhaps just kill 99.9% of the germs like Lysol does, or any of the other spraying-shit-in-my-house branded spray cans…
…trying to type…snoring sapping my will to remain conscious. ..