I, apparently, have a number of contingency plans, should the god-awful, worst-case scenario occur in a hypothetical, parallel world. Boyfriends. If Husband is taken from this world too soon – and let me be perfectly clear and say that any time would too soon, regardless of his occasional open mouth snoring and stealing the fucking blankets and not sorting out his GD washing – I have a lot of celebrity boyfriends who may or may not step in to fill the vacated position. Ryan Gosling was never really on my list, but if he calls me, then maybe I will reconsider.
Marky Mark was on the list early, and not because of his NKOTB bro Donny. Marky Mark kicks everyones collective asses in movies such as Date Night, The Departed and Four Brothers. I love the gritty shit.
I then thought that I might marry our house cleaner if Husband bought the farm, because she never judges and I like the way she rolls, the vacuum cleaner through the mess, like a scythe. Elaine is hardcore.
Christian Bale gets shit done in The Dark Knight trilogy, and who doesn’t love a man in a thick rubber suit of black armored draw your own conclusions, who talks dirty to people with a lisp?
And then came Kylo Ren, with his dark cloak. And sure, that mask is certainly creepy, but it’s also kind of maybe sexy as hell. Or was it his grasp of the midiclorians (sp?) that allowed him to stop the space time continuum for one or two individuals he was “questioning” whilst all hell was being broken loose upon a village of poor unsuspectings? I might have been a little hot under the cloak, myself.
And recently, Charlie Parker. He’s actually a fictional character created by John Connolly who rules the book-writing skies along with Stephen King and Joe Hill and a bunch of other amazeballs writers whose names will take up too much space to write. But yeah, Charlie Parker. Rugged, dangerous, capable as all get out, probably built like Noah’s Ark with eyes to cut you in half as you lose yourself in them. Or words to that effect. I started the new Charlie Parker novel recently, A Song of Shadows, and one of the praise quotes on the dust cover reads “The intensity of a madman and the subtley of a poet” and that’s it in a nutshell. I told Husband about Charlie Parker being my new boyfriend and he all but screamed out a resounding “noooooooo”, because he also wants Charlie Parker to be his boyfriend because of the above rad reasons. But honestly, he will probably be busy with his other boyfriend, Tom Hardy, and that’s fine with me.
Mmmm, celebrity boyfriends.