My Baby Shower

Well, I suppose that a good conversation goes back and forth, like other good things, including tennis and, haha, got ya there. Anyhoo in this conversation, with myself, I will talk about my own baby shower.

First of all, as an aussie and as the first in my circle to have a baby, there were no baby showers. Showerings of presents was not a constant thing that I was aware of, basically my whole life until coming to America ten years ago, and now there will be 4 baby showers in 8 fucking months in my office alone. Cheese and rice.

We decided to have a baby shower as an excuse for a party or soiree, if you will. We were often doing those things when we were (thin) hip and living in the city. But our baby came early, so the “baby shower” started without me because I was at the hospital with our son. I don’t remember when we had scheduled the shindig, but he was born 5.5weeks early.

Fine and healthy, just fucking early

I don’t know that we had a theme for the do, I assume I had sent some (thin) super cute invitations hand made by yours truly, because I had so much time to buy individual papers from an expensive and trendy stationery shop in Sydney and hand-address every fucking one of them.

People had brought us thoughtful gifts and we still have and even still use some of them. 10yo still has his dog that he was given for his birthday, the day of his actual birth, which was undertaken without pain meds except for some happy gas which didn’t make me as happy as the guy who got to have a free sample as part of the hospital tour for our parenting class, thank you very much. The dog is a bit dreary-coloured now, but still very much loved. Not sure if Spot appeared at the baby shower or afterwards, but he is among a handful of things from those early days.

Needless to say, I was tired and hormonal and a mother without her child at the “baby shower”, so I was probably not as much fun to be around as I think I was before then. 

What would I do now if I were to have a baby shower? Maybe the diapers would be for me, I’ll definitely take the bottles – but make sure they’re not empty! Nipple cream I can probably do without, butt paste I similarly have no use for, but thanks for thinking of me! You can never have too many wipes but I tend to use only the washable kind, these days. If  you want to get me a bag, make it small and trendy as fuck, rather than roomy and with lots of pockets for poo bags and the like. Lastly, I can always use a change of clothes, especially for surprise spills and messes, though they tend to be over my chest rather than the back of my pants, these days, and make it vintage, if you can manage it. A onesie isn’t my style so much, but anything with a ruffle will be gorgeous in photos, and I’ll be sure to send one of myself smashing up a cake.

A Baby Shower 

I volunteered to manage the upcoming baby shower in my office because a)everyone is way busier than I am, doing things, and b) I love organising shit like that. I don’t necessarily like standing up and directing, unless the eyes peering at me belong to under 10s and I’ve got an adult beverage in my hand, but I suppose I’ve got to put my big girl pants on sometimes and just talk, already, seeing as how I’m totes a famous author, these days.

I asked about a theme for the baby shower and was hesitantly told “Batman”. Dad is a Mexican fella and I’m a fast-talking aussie, cue the smiling and nodding when you can’t understand wtf I’m saying. Anyhoo, Batman is as good as any…

My office is full of busy folk, so I need focused activity before collars are slightly loosened and advice for the impending doom parents-to-be is forthcoming. But I also need to set the tone, so I had a few fun things taped up, and a fun (and easy) craft that even the super busy big wigs could be evil-eyed into participating in. I found a baby chandelier (omg, thats totes a thing), in a Batman theme! It worked out great except for when I tried to put it together at the table and all the strings got jumbled the fuck up. It looked like this.

Snapshot_20170512_1

Cut to fucking forever later, it was wonderful and finished. I would have liked to paint the hoops black but we only have crayola paints in this house and that shit washes right off, and if I know anything, it’s that liquids fly when there’s a new baby in the house and who needs black painting dripping off what was, only moments before, a cute and sentimental gift from your office but has suddenly become just another thing in this fucking house that is dripping and dirty. But I digress. I was drinking entertaining last night, and could not run hither, thither and yon to find proper paint. But I think the chandelier looks cute as is, especially when the tensioned hoops were on at the end.

20170512_165122[1]

Highly recommend that craft.
I also had a little note from Batman to the effect that he saved a gift from that freaky fucker Joker, and the box was full of Joker cards as well as baby swag, and adorable Batman shoes in newborn size, cute!

There is yet another office baby shower coming up, the fourth in seven months, so be on the lookout for me swearing about a nautical-themed baby shower soon.

 

Queens Wear Crowns 

So. It’s the big day of the school fundraising gala and I stitched the cuffs of the mustard lace dress this morning. I still fit into my vintage slip thanks to broccoli and quinoa, and 8yo helped me choose my shoes.

What else goes with a repurposed vintage tablecloth? What could I possibly pair it with?

A flower crown, of course.

Take your juted wire and fit it to your head, leaving a bit of space depending on the size and number of blooms. Add a flower and wire it on, add another and wire that sucker on, too, until you’re back to where you started. Try it on, add more if necessary. When in doubt, go large.

I Picked A Winner!

So. I mean sew, haha. I’m a picker and I pick up random shit all over the place. I nabbed a mustard lace tablecloth last year and wanted to do something fun with it but couldn’t figure it out. Then the school announced an earth child/hippie etc theme for the fundraising dinner. Perfect.

I googled lace tablecloth dress and pinterest had me covered. Lost In Paris has a tutorial on their website about diy lace tablecloth dresses!

I did the required measurements and found some handy dandy “staytape” which I think is just interfacing. As per the instructions on the website, I laid out the fabric and cut, fingers crossed. 

I used the interfacing tape on the seam because the lace is thin in parts. I’m going to reinforce the seams but needed to check it out, first.

I’ve got an old slip for underneath which still fits and I fucking love this! Going to fold down the neckline a teensy bit so it doesn’t fray, with some of the interfacing tape for seam reinforcement, and pin up the top of the sleeves since they are as long as the dress. Voila! Fucking voila!

Easy sew dress and I just happen to have another piece of lace lying around. I will try and make that one a teensy bit more fitted around the waist.

♡♡♡

Photo/Glass Challenge

I did the photo after each glass of wine challenge. Okay, it’s not even a challege, whatevs.

First pic. It was still daylight and the kids were lighting shit on fire.

Husband made me laugh, I was not actually this happy after a second (small) glass of wine. 

This was after I went inside for the good (ish) lighting and more wine.

Yes, I’m this happy but I was texting my friend about getting high, so.
Going to bed, now, perchance to dream or passout.

Actually no, Husband said NUMBER FOUR so here we are. Stay tuned…
I don’t feel like accepting a fourth glass was necessary (also pics at night w the flash, whatever), but a good thing to come of this course of events is that the electric blanket has been on for that much longer…

THE Golden Girl

Yesterday at work, I saw all my fave choices in growing old in one, fabulous lady. The multiple piercings, the dyed (purple) hair, the fuck-you-I’m-walking-on-the-left. Maybe she was Australian, too.

I loved her and we crossed the road together and then she walked out of my life.
That was a real boon to my day since I (am) was tired from living and also from multie self-imposed deadlines. And also from wanting to do 100 things when I i have time for maybe 5.

Now I can add rad hair dye and piercings to that ever-growing to-do list.

Sponsors Needed

Walking past the bridal and prom shop to run an errand at work today, and any day I walk that way, really, I pick and choose from the window: yes no yes, no no yes, yes no fucking way. 

I did see a wedding dress in the window last year that I loved. I wonder if the shop would be interested in sponsoring wedding # 4?

Or even, how about, a day of wedding dress modeling starring yours truly, with Husband and boys sporting matching garb? Wecould leave the boys wearing the same outfit all day, of course, and probably give them a screen so they complain about fashion less, and limit Husband’s wardrobe changes to 2, or maybe 3, but crank mine as high as you like. I’ll wear every damn dress in the place, for a day, an hour, whatevs. I can go full Muriel Heslop and have an entire album of me in wedding dresses.
Let’s have our people get in touch, printo!

Sew, What The Hell Have I Been Doing?

​Before I landed a job last year, I volunteered to do three class projects at school. Or maybe it was after I got the job and I’m really that crazy, I can’t remember. Anyhoo, Ive put together a lego table, am in the process of making an Oregon-themed Monopoly table and I’m sewing another quilt for the kindergarten class. I did that when middle child was in K, and I put my hand up for it since 6yo resides there, now, and there were no other sewererers amongst the class parents.

I had the kids’ drawings screenprinted onto fabric and have sewn them onto the other pieces that I puzzled together. Yesterday I went and found some adorable fabric for the backing and also some brown to complete the design. I really need to complete the design because we have friends coming to stay next weekend and they’ll probably need the spare bed I’ve laid it all out on.

Anyhoo, it’s nearly finished and I’m relieved about that because, you know, I’ve got other things on my mind and there are other things I think about sewing, as well. I’ve decided to go as Moira Rose for Halloween, so I’ll need to make some hella outlandish couture pieces to match the wig and lipstick. 

I’ll probably need to start them pretty soon so they’re finished in time since I don’t have a lot of time. 

But there are other things that I want to sew that are less, say, obtuse fashion, that I might rock on a day to day basis as much as Moira sashays around in her teetering heels and metallic fabrics. 
For instance, I’m midway through making a skirt with fabric that I’m pretty sure was a set of drapes in a previous life. It’s an icy blue and is a bit Mad Men and will be perfect for work. The school function is coming up where the class projects will be auctioned off and I’ve decided on a dress made from a mustard lace tablecloth. Time is of the essence there so I really need to finish that quilt. I’d also love to make a couple of tops for work from linen tablecloths I have, too. I’d love to have sleeves that don’t ride up right into my armpits and apparently that is a pipedream unless I make those sleeves myself.

If you’re sensing a theme, you’re right – I’m a tight ass and don’t often like to buy clothes new. Partly because clothes are so fucking overpriced, but also clothes seem not often to be made with my smaller waist and rounded lady-hips in mind. Fabric is something I could blow cash on but I try to reuse stuff and buying vintage is so damn cool and results in very unique clothes. I’ve made a pencil skirt from a vintage bedspread, pleated skirts from vintage tablecloths, 

I made the red top from our Scottish wedding from a scarf and even my tartan dress from a pile of napkins a friend gave me. There is no end to what can be repurposed.  I even picked up two ruffled pillowcases the other day and wondered about fashioning them into a skirt. Ultimately, no, they wouldn’t have fit around my ass, but it was a fun idea before those lady-hips intruded. 

Do you sew? Do you repurpose? I’m always looking for the next fun project.

Schitts Creek

#spoilers if you haven’t seen the show.

schitts hotel

Oh em gee, I’m sure everyone has seen the show, though. Husband suggested we start watching it last year or maybe before…? But we don’t get involved in a lot of shows because TV is a monster and it turns you into another one, so I suggested not. Last night we changed that trend and I think it is THE BEST show I have ever seen in my life. Husband concurs.

Husband might know that I would leave him for Daniel Levy, AKA DaviD, because of so many reasons, not the least of which is that he is hot af and also his wit makes me think dirty things. There is not a character in the show that I/we don’t like, except maybe Roland the Schitty mayor.

Husband is all about Johnny Rose’s blue suits and I want to be Moira when I grow up, if I’m not already Stevie. We finished the first season at just past midnight and Husband is snoring his brains out (and mine) while I can’t get Moira’s faaabulous acthent out of my mind or the look on DaviD’s face as he drove out of town on the season finale.

schitts-creek1

I’m pretty sure that while I haven’t been to Schitt’s Creek, I have been up shits creek. The feelings I experienced there may be a tad less pharma than the Rose gang, but real nonetheless. That itchy feeling in your hands when shit gets real, the dewey sweat on your forehead when you have to think fast and maybe fast isn’t enough. Is that what DaviD realized when Stevie wasn’t going with him? Those feelings are my reality until we can sink our teeth into the second season.

It’s Adventure Time Again, Huzzah!

It’s not raining; there is blue sky and the birds are chirping. The roosters are also hollering themselves hoarse. Earlier, I sent the boys off with water, oranges and clif bars to either die or walk up and down the driveway a few times. I just saw the middle child traipsing into the backyard so I’m assuming the latter applies to all three.
It’s Sunday, post daylight-saving clock fuck-around and here we are. I woke up in the middle of the night because my bodyclock apparently lost 4 hours. After doodling pointlessly for that amount of time, I woke up after a nap feeling refreshed and relieved. I filled the boys’ camel baks and patted their heads on the way out the door to sit on my ass in peace and quiet for as long as they would be gone.

It got me thinking about what I was doing in terms of adventure at a similar age, and also about the articles of crazy crackdowns on parents who are punished by society (or police) for giving their kids different amounts of independence than what people other than their parents think is appropriate.

Cue the Wayne’s World guys doing the doodley-doos with waving fingers…

We lived on a flat street that was U-shaped and the sign at one end said Pelsart St and the sign at the other end said Pelsart Ave. I didn’t think this was a big deal until a teacher told me that Pelsart St Ave was not a thing and it had to be one or the other. Live a little, people! My sister and I rode our bikes up and down the street with the neighbour kids and were supposed to stay in view of the house but, you know. Sometimes when we thought our parents were in the backyard and I was feeling particularly daring, we would ride around the whole block. So adventurous! Mum and Dad never liked that. 

There was a house just past the Pelsart Ave sign that was not lived in. The path to school inevitably went that way and people talked about that house. There were holes in the windows from rocks (can’t remember if I threw any; I might have dared myself a couple of times on the insistence of other kids but I knew it was wrong) and some holes in the walls. We went in there once or twice, too. I think I was petrified that other kids (or teenagers) would be in there and dare us to do things. There was graffitti and probably poo in the toilet. There were bits of rubble and I can’t remember about condoms or clothes. Positive the parents would have whipped us if they knew – maybe they did, I can’t remember – and my sister would have been either shitting her pants because she was 2 years younger than me, or instigating the whole bloody thing because she was daring when you least expected it.

There was a football oval down the road and around the corner from the Pelsart Ave sign, too, which, incidentally, Husband used to play on as a kid. When it rained for days, the oval occasionally flooded and sometimes I went there with a friend from school and we hunted for frogs and tadpoles. She warned me about Electric Eels. 

I was skeptical because the water, you know, would conduct their electricity, but she was older. My folks have told me about the stink of dead tadpoles at the front door where they made me leave the large containers of stormwater we’d bring back, and the occasional frog hopping around the steps.

Flashforward to today: I tell the boys to leave outside animals alone, to only look and not touch too much because I don’t want other living things in the house and because I don’t want them to become  blasé about fawns and be trodden or gored to death by deer or fucking stags.  We live on a hill with no sidewalks and fast drivers so they don’t ride bikes on the road but they do do BMX riding which is fucking rad. They go “hiking” in the backyard and today they found bones down by the old treehouse. 

I think they’re doing just fine.