The Canned Goods

We are all going to die in a raging inferno, in case you haven’t heard. Or it might be a tidal wave or some other terrible fate as a result of a long overdue earthquake. That’s what I’m gleaning from the news, anyway. The real take away for me, besides inevitable death, is that the water will be contaminated by battery acid and fuel since all the storage and chemical warehouses etc, will also be wracked and ruined, so my precious lifestraws won’t be of any use at all, woe! So we’ve started storing water but if the house is going to fall down on top of it all, what are we to do? I should start hoarding booze because I could probably slurp that off the ground and not care about germs etc. Not so with water, I hear.

Back in the day, read: well before children, Husband and I were in Sydney living the high life and thin, so thin! But there was a bit of terrorist stuff in the news so we started talking about our game plan. Basically it was not a plan but a small, insulated bag with a bottle of water and a couple of tins of braised steak and onions, very similar to something made by Dinty Moore except waaay tastier. 

We’ve upped our game in the last few years but we got complacent, as you do, and haven’t really cycled through it as we should, instead, just adding to it. So last night, when the kids asked about dinner and decried my suggestion of sausages, I suggested we raid the emergency food supplies, and they were on board.

What did they eat first? Canned sausage, fuckers. Most of the canned stuff was not gf and 7yo got a but whiny, so he’ll probably die first in the event of an actual disaster scenario. 10yo has always been a but picky, so he’ll come a close second. 9yo was a bit more adventurous and tried a can of spagetti-os and some shitty mac and cheese. Now he realises that all the good food we eat is very good, and the canned stuff is not. “But Mom, why would we eat this stuff?” started the conversation about out of commission roads and empty shops and lunatics with guns. I ate a can of that Dinty Moore and bring me back the braised steak and onions, I say! That stuff was dog food. I also ate ate some scalloped potatoes, and after living to tell the tale, I do not recommend.

Of course, everyone does what’s right for their family but the box I ate last night was a) expired, b) too much and c) tasted like detergent. But sure, in the event of catastrophe, I might just be hungry enough to eat it again.

There were no horrendous, psychadelic turds this morning, that I heard about, so life goes on and we’ll try and make tastier choices when we next go shopping, I guess?


Castaway: How Would we Fair?

We re-watched The Martian the other day and we were discussing the sciencing aspects of the sciencing of shit. We just ordered Cast Away for the same reason – science and survival. Not sure how we’ll handle the ice-skate and the tooth but we’ll get through it.

We’ve discussed earthquake preparedness and other random and indistinct emergencies, which result in us not being able to go shopping or basically leave our property. We won’t be making bamboo rafts for floating away just yet, but I guess we’ll cover that during the movie. Other similar discussions bring up new and interesting aspects of cabin-fever and other ailments requiring diy home remedies, which I’ve detailed below.

It’s the end of days. Do you

A) Tell the kids it’s what you’ve been preparing for?

B) Quietly go about your business because you try not to mix in general society much anyway?

C) Crank up the generator, they’re already used to the obnoxious smoke and sound of the stupidly loud bastard?

D) Grab the bandanas, arm your family and go and raid your neighbours’ houses?

The electricity has been out for two days. Do you

A) Drink the cool-aid?

B) Have a shit-ton of firewood so who cares?

C) Burn all the stubs of those broken fucking crayons like you saw on Pinterest and use them as oil lamps?

D) Get up with the sun and go to bed when it’s gone?

You’ve eaten all of your emergency food. What is “rationing”, anyway? Do you

A) Fashion spears from the bones of the neighbours you’ve already eaten and go spear fishing?

B) Make animal traps from the green stalks of the plants in the garden and hope you catch a big squirrel rather than a skunk?

C) Leave the safety of your cul-de-sac for the relative abundance of the forest and hope for the best?

D) Willingly starve because your kids always refuse to try new foods?

The “big one” hits and your house is literally in pieces. You manage to get out unharmed and huddle together for warmth while you decide to

A) Walk to where you assume a big-ass shelter has been set up by an aid agency?

B) Set up camp in the backyard and tell stories about the good old days about paying good money to set up camp away from home?

C) Make your way under the cover of darkness to Redmond because that’s the only place that authorities will be able to drop provisions and provide support since the other major airports in Oregon will be completely fucked-di-doo?

D) Accept your fate because family trips are sort of always fucking awful in one way or another, and just kiss each other good-bye at bed-time?

The answers to this quiz provide no points, because of all of the above. I wish you luck, and may the odds be ever in your favour!

Putting the Pep back in our Prep

I saw this article today, and Husband demanded I forward it to him. We’ve been talking about earthquakes a bit lately, because the big one is overdue, donchaknow. Seriously, it’s overdue. If something does happen, it will be when he is away, though, so I’ve got to make sure that I am prepared as much as he is.
We haven’t stocked up on food for a while, so we wanted to buy one of those buckets that feed a family of 4 for a month during a zombie apocalypse, or something, at costco today, but they were sold out! We have thought about buying weapons, but we argue about that a lot, so we haven’t made any purchases. Friends of ours were very close to the fires in California a little while back and the possibility of looting and etc was too real. I’m naively assuming that is not a possibility for us, providing I stop blogging about it, so, yeah.
Anyhoo, we need more food and water, so will get onto costco online soon for the food caches and order those big bottles of water that are supposed to be for awkward hangouts in offices as well, because the thin plastic bottles in fred meyer, etc, get holes in them when you look at them.
We do have a cool hand pump that I got at home depot that the kids messed around with (and then I might have driven over becauae it was lefr on the bloody driveway), but it should still work with half the length of hose. We envision using it to pump water from the rain barrels so we can flush the toilets. On the drive across town today, I also thought we should get some terracotta pots that we could use to pump some water into for drinking, because one of the crazy preppers from tv said you can use them to filter water. He also knows how to make his own antibiotics, but I’m not ready for that just yet.
The thing is, though, that most prepping foods have wheat crap in them, so they won’t be good for nearly 4yo. Even during a few weeks or months of the national guard presence, I still want to have non-wheat foods (or faux foods, it won’t pay to be picky when all the stores have been looted, plus I need longevity in this stuff) for him/us.
Somewhere, I heard, read or saw that in just 3 days of no power, disrupted transport and/or widespread emergency situations, all stores selling food and drink will be empty. We aren’t near any stores, so we won’t have the luxury of 3 days of looting.
But where to put this stuff? If there is an earthquake, will the house fall over? We are on a hill. Will there be a landslide? A sink hole? I’ve put a container of food in our spare room, and there is a stash in our bathroom, but I think I need to put stuff in the outbuildings, too. I can’t put all my eggs in one house.
In the event of “holy fuck! We need to get out of here!” I have red backpacks filled with a day or two of stuff, plus medical supplies, those tinfoil blankets and a bunch of whathaveyou, but now I think we need duplicates for outside, in case the house is in a shambles. Because in the holy fuck event, we might not be able to get the backpacks.
I highly recommend emergency backpacks. They are a little bit of peace of mind in this whole preppers shenanigan paradise. I’m also contemplating life straws, for the same reason.
Let me know if I’m missing something from your emergency supplies list!