Doomsday starts now

During the harrowing snowventure that this past weekend was, we ate through 85% of our fresh food and worried not about going shopping. But then we got the dreaded phone call that school was cancelled for another day, and things got dire all of a sudden. “No school tomorrow, we may start medicating.” I decided to attempt some homemade bread. I knew that my career as a stay at home doomsday prepper hinged on this one loaf. Having attempted to make bread only twice before – but in a bread machine – I had very little experience and almost no knowledge on what was supposed to happen.

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I have no doubt that this was not supposed to happen.

After dinner and boys’ bed time and a glass of wine, I attempted a 2nd loaf, since the first one died in the ass. It had no taste or anything else that bread is supposed to have. I realised after breaking up the loaf for Toad Hall that I had left out a handful of ingredients. Hmmm. So I put what was missing into the 2nd loaf, but it turned out just as bad. It also didn’t rise at all, it was merely another stone of cooked dough. I was using my own fan-forced oven, not a solar oven created in the backyard with a spare tyre, what gives?
Turns out that I don’t care to keep trying, at least with that particular recipe, or perhaps I need even more wine, next time. And perhaps next time I should use a solar oven. That way it will already be in the backyard when I feed it to the chickens.

THE Snow Weekend

Wednesday evening or Thursday morning (I can’t remember now, it seems so long ago) we got the call that there would be no school. I played with the idea of going to the gym but after wrangling 5yo into his snow clothes and watching him frolick, I decided to eat something sugary instead and just let them all be, rather than harassing them into the car. Thursday was the Snow Day. That evening we got another call about Friday. Friday turned out to be Snohmygod. Really? ‘Tis a tad dramatic but that was the phrase that was coined.
Saturday was just the weekend, but felt like another day in a long line of days without guidelines or deadlines. Saturday was Snowmageddon.
Sunday turned out to be the Snownami, as the snow started to melt everywhere, and parents everywhere breathed a collective hopeful breath that it would be melted enough for Monday to be a school day. But Monday was Wtf, Snow? Monday should have been a school day, but that lazy ass snow hung around like someone who can’t take a hint and just leave already. Monday was agonizing with the things that could finally be done as the roads were plowed or scraped or swept in most places, but still not enough to warrant going back to school. Monday also sucked a bit extra because we couldn’t find our shovel, and had to make do in order to move some frigging snow. Monday night might also suck a bit because I had a tall glass of water before bed and I can hear the snow melt drizzling down the roof and pipes, like a drunk husband in the bathroom, or like a real asshole pouring water from high when they know you really need to powder your nose. Way to go snow, way to go.

Doomsday Prepping

Because snow is apparently the end of the world, we were preparing for it. Husband charged batteries for the flashlights, the leapsters, phones, ipad, laptop, but not the car that has the chains. He reloaded my car with dry firewood from the barn and moved the outdoor pile into the garage, and then checked petrol levels in the jerry cans.
Snow was coming down thick and fast, and we got 15 + inches.
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We have (a shit ton?) 6 toilets to share and flush throughout the house, so I wasn’t worried about running out of water. But we didn’t lose power and consequently the water pump, so we didn’t have to ration our bathroom breaks, and I still only have the 2 toilets to clean as a priority, and the rest can bugger off for a while longer.
The boys spent too long inside, annoying each other and watching lego game out-take movies waiting for the power to go out, but it didn’t go out, so they kept wanting to watch more instead of going outside to play in the white wonder that is usually so scarce. Eventually I changed out of my pajamas which signalled the end of indoor slouchery; everyone put on snow clothes and went outside to sled and whine about the cold.
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There were no injuries, even though the boys were sledding head first into snow-covered rocks, so the first aid kits remain mostly unused. There were no road accidents on our street, though dudes on 4 wheelers pulling dudes on sleds at high speed went up and back numerous times. There were no marauders – always a relief – and there were no asteroids falling through the atmosphere. No bleeding from the eyes or swarms of locusts (maybe they fot frozen), no pillaging of Fred Meyer. So all in all, a pretty piss poor end of the world.
We didn’t use ANY of our emergency food supplies, which was a good dose of reality in terms of how often we actually need to go shopping, and there is still a few drops of milk left for the boys to argue about. We didn’t cook anything on top of the fireplace, and we didn’t need to melt snow for drinking. We actually could have driven around town (the whole time?) yesterday afternoon, but chose to sit in front of the fire for a little while longer. I think we could have managed school today, but the boys aren’t complaining about another day playing legoes and I’m not complaining because they are upstairs doing it and there is no shouting (loud enough for me to hear) coming from that direction (cue the extended interruption).
So next time (I just downloaded the Red Cross Earthquake app) we will be prepared with all the things we didn’t use this weekend, including 3 bottles of red wine, yet unopened. That is the real disaster.

Our Own Winter Olympics

Far be it for me to question the schedule of the winter olympics, or the summer version, but I am at a loss as to why there are events going on before the opening ceremony. On this same note, watching delayed telecasts is awful. There should be a channel that is live whenever those elite athletes are eating their hearts out in their chosen field. Waiting until 2pm blows.
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Meanwhile, down home we have been having our own version of the winter olympics, as I’m sure most parents do in snowy climates, but this is my first (inaugural? ) time.
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My events have included the gymnastics of wrangling monkeys into their respective snow clothes, and cross country trekking from the fridge to the pantry (and the back door) to find more snacks for the other competitors.
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The boys have competed in such events as cross country whinging, skating on thin ice, lego shot put, and downhill luge.
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And instant replays.

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Both Husband and I eventually took part in russian drinking games, but had the luxury of showers and fully enclosed toilets. No #sochifail here.

It’s a Snow Day!

I have been waiting for snow for a few days, waking up and peeking through the blinds, driving to the gym before the butt crack of dawn when its 15F, and finally! Today there is snow.
After taking 6.5yo to school (oh! the heartache, I forgot my wallet so we couldn’t go crazy at the book fair before class) I took 5 and nearly 3yo to the daycare at the gym and did a class. I watched the flurries through the window while I wiped sweaty hair off my face and assumed those nearby were politely ignoring me.
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The boys all had a short play in the snow before school drop-off, and wanted to play again in the carpark
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but I eventually convinced them to come home first. I spun out a little turning off the main road, and that shit is scary! Thankfully it was nothing major and there were no other cars around. Husband was almost having conniptions at the idea of us driving home in the snow, but it really wasn’t that bad.
I managed to get the boys into snow gear before Husband had to pick up 6.5yo from school early due to the snow, but he wasn’t super helpful with socks and gloves and clips and zips. Big man hands are better suited to filling up jerry cans and the like, especially on below freezing days.
I pulled out the gear that the boys’ old teacher gave me, and voila!
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Totes a snow bunny, especially with those puffed sleeves!

Of course, after we were all rugged up and out in the snow, someone looked like they were powdering their nose in their ski pants, so we had to come back inside for a toilet break and a snack, and then get it all back on again. At least that time, I got to have a turn sledding down the driveway. There were 3 sleds but someone had to cry about not having the right one, and then I thought of Dumb and Dumber when Lloyd’s boogies were frozen on his face. Then we started on a snowman, but people became fixated on snow-covered slippery boulders, where snakes are no doubt hibernating. I didn’t like the idea of driving a blood-covered boy or boys through the snow, and in those situations I rarely think of calling for help.
Husband eventually came home and all of them played outside. It was super peaceful. Then nearly 3yo threw away his gloves and came inside with angry hands. That was scarier than sliding on the snow! Hot showers, cuddles and Husband’s terry robe cure all, and he took a long nap while the big boys watched – you guessed it – Ice Age. I tried to be productive, but I can’t not sit right by the fire when it’s on, and the ipad was *right there*, so I had to almost fall asleep in front of it, except during the poignant scenes, of course. Poor mammoth.
And now, after polishing off the muffins, we will eat ham off the bone and drink cocktails after the boys are upstairs. It is a poor substitute for rollerskating while the boys are at a school babysitting night, but the cocktails will be much more sensibly priced, and I can easily handle being eye-balled by my fellow slush monkey, rather than breaking an ankle or worse.