Walking the Walk

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I do fun stuff, and I organise fun stuff for the boys, but I realised the other day, that it doesn’t always end up that I actually speak to other adults very much. And I am not including Husband in this.
Most weeks I go the gym almost every morning, 4yo has swimming twice a week, the big boys have swimming once a week; I drop off and pick the kids up from their respective schools most days. Sometimes 4yo has a playdate and I can sit and “visit” y’all, for a few hours, but otherwise, I might go two weeks without meaningful interaction from my peers. Granted, sometimes all I have to say is “GD, those kids are loud today”, or “I forgot to brush my hair”. But sometimes I might have seen the news and want to discuss world events, or calculus, or something.
Sometimes I feel like my brain is slow churning ice cream, but I was never an academic wizard to begin with. So I might be ready for the waffle cones already. On the other hand, the kids loved the playdate.

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Dossiers

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Clues!

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Recovery mission complete

Rage Against the Unclean

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Nothing gets me raging like the boys hitting each other, except the fucking lego room. It’s an abhorrent mess and I detest going up there.

It started out as a place to play with lego away from a widdle baby who would swallow them if within drooling distance, then became their lego refuge against the world and a way for me to avoid vacuuming them (ok, I rarely vacuum) or stepping on them all the time. That’s fine, but there are other things up there, too. Like all the toys we moved out of the playroom (which is another GD mess and one which gives Husband the night terrors), minus the toys we’ve donated back to charity from whence they came. Bless the parent who pays up to $40 in some cases, for licensed merchandise for my kids to wreak havoc on down the line. Anyhoo, those toys are usually organised somewhat, and loosely packed away in those ikea bins. There’s also a few cupboards, plus the outdoor couch when the weather is not outdoor-friendly, old baby capsule, baby toys, emergency food stores and more whatevers.

Cut to the peace and quiet I assume I’m getting when the boys race upstairs to play with the GD lego… my blood boils, my skin crawls and my adrenaline rushes when I hear the sounds of hitting and screaming and the smashing of lego. I feel their pain when creations become so much plastic rubble; I feel their pain when one brother won’t fucking share; I feel their pain when someone can’t play with these amazing toys made of so many tiny pieces; but do they feel my idiotic frustruction over the point of sharing a handful of special pieces out of ten thousand special pieces? Give me a fucking amen. I storm up there to allay their upset, only to need to escape from there to allay my own. The lego is spread from hell to breakfast around and under the couch. The other toys – which probably haven’t even been played with – are haphazardly in every other corner, windowsill and baby capsule. The cushions from the couch are anywhere but the couch. There was a rug up there, which was sort of an invisible barrier to keep the lego from getting lost in the nether regions of space, but it kept getting rolled up and eating as many lego as it was supposed to save. There is a table, but that is a new addition since the boys claim they are ready to stop throwing furniture and actually use it for its alleged purpose. There are also about twenty plastic tubs specifically for the GD lego, whether they be sorted by colour or just kept off the floor, whether they be sorted by ownership (please, no) or hastily swept up so they can’t be thrown away like Husband is often threatening (are you kidding? Those things are expensive!) to do. The point is that there is opportunity for the room not to look like it does.

In the past, I have gone up there (usually when 4yo was napping) to get my zen and sort through those tiny bastards, while the big boys played or built or at least left each other alone in their fortresses of bold-coloured plastic. It was nice. Then a day or two later, I would go up to tell them something and BAM! the zen is not only gone, but undone, by seeing the floor carpeted in those same tiny bastards. MF!

Now, I just try not to go up there. I have decided to let them duke it out until someone comes downstairs crying. If they will not keep the room even mildly respectable, I will refrain from intervening, except to yell unhelpful phrases up the stairs, along the lines of “share the bloody lego!” or “go to bed!”. I would go to bed, if I could, rather than deal with the dreaded lego room. Yes, great, come and show me what you made, then take it back and fight about it where I cannot hear about it. And bring me some earplugs while you’re at it.

 

5 Minutes Later

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I decided to wash my hair today, perhaps 2 weeks after last time. It was not salon perfect, but it was nicely coiffed by the natural oils. I was on the couch for long enough, the boys were fine, fed, can get water for themselves, 4yo had recently gone to the bathroom. It should have been fine.
Post shower, I finger-combed my hair and exited the bathroom to a bunch of boo-wah and temper tantrums and damn it, leave him the fuck alones. Sure, it’s raining and we haven’t left the house, but they have chosen to “play” within 2 handslaps of each other. While they think it’s fun for 2 minutes before they start fighting, it’s breaking my brain after 30 seconds of it. SHUT THE HELL UP AND MOVE AWAY FROM HIM.
It’s just gone midday, and I’m ready for cocktail o’clock. Except I’ve been doing a good job of watching what I eat and I don’t want these adorable little scrappy shits that I made to ruin my already tenuous grasping for a bit of (willpower) zen and a few less cupcakes (or cupcake-flavoured vodka).

Resolutions be Resolute

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I didn’t talk through any new year’s resolutions for our family this year because a) I can’t concentrate when I’m I’m in pajamas and b) I think I was a bit busy and c) I can’t remember. I do recall thinking that 4yo might try not to bash his brothers so much, since they have finally, mostly, caught on to the “don’t bash your brothers” concept themselves. 7.5yo still needs to work on his resolution from last year about public speaking, and 6yo is going pretty well with his resolution from last year about handwriting. Just to be clear, I make the resolutions for all and sundry, they are not self-motivated just yet. As an aside, I also made Husband’s resolutions…
I didn’t make one for myself this year, either, but I do want to be more committed to keeping a food journal, so I know how many calories are in that costco muffin, or that choc-dipped cheesecake on a stick. Cringe.
Obviously, as the Christmas ham is cleared away and the new year’s celebratory bubbles finished with, before the onslaught of kid’s birthday parties (5 this month), I have made a good effort about the whole “don’t eat your way through-…” and am trying to be accountable, and have been thinking about a reversal of the good eating food pyramid, as you do. I didn’t turn it around, but I did come up with the following:
7.5yo eats mostly vegetables
6yo eats mostly carbs
4yo eats mostly meat
I eat mostly fats
Husband must eat humble pie

That’s fairly well rounded, or close enough for now.

I Heart Batman

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We have been watching a few movies recently, the last of which were the Dark Knight Trilogy movies. Christian Bale is not on my list of movie star boyfriends, but his Batman is. I won’t go on about the lisp or the raspy voice or the whatever whatevers, but Batman is dark and dangerous and pretty dang all right. I’m  not convinced about Ben Affleck being in the next Batman film, but Husband told me it’s actually a Superman film, and that is almost a separate genre.
Have you seen any of the Batdad videos? Please do, they are super funny, and I have tried out the voice a few times in public, it’s funny as hell. But now I’m out of practice and my voice gets all raspy. I’ve tried a few short vids on my facebook page, they are ok. Husband did a Baine voice in one of them, squeaky, scary, funny. Can’t go wrong.
But what is it about Batman? He cannot fly. He’s got gadgets, sure, but the fact that he is human is part of his deal, I think. Not all super heroes are, I  believe, though I’m no expert. I don’t  really know any others except for Superman and Wonder Woman, and the other two or three from the Lego Batman movie, but I don’t know their names.
Anyhoo, Batman rocks, and he is human, and he has cool shit.

I am sometimes like Batman because…

Well, actually I am sometimes like Alfred because I pick up all sorts of shit (dirty laundry, anyone?).

I sometimes drive fast in my car, though it’s not black and lacks a certain conspicuous, how do you say, armour.

I don’t actually have a Batman mask, but I wish I did.

Sometimes I yell in a scary mom voice.

Sometimes I wear clothes that might be too tight for me.

I am contemplating putting in secret doors in my house.

I have been in the social pages a few times, though never on the front page, and never with scantily clad women.

My alter ego comes out when there are hooligans about.

I sometimes throw things at my people, though they aren’t small, sharp bat-shaped things.

I am looking forward to a long holiday when Gotham no longer needs me.

*I AM THE BATMAN*

Happy Holidays

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We have had a lovely holiday week. We have had possibly less boy fights, or maybe I’ve  just forgotten them because it was days ago, and I’ve sort of had almost copious amounts of wine.
We post most of our presents, and that means I need to allow extra time so that they arrive on time overseas. I try to be organised and this year I was! I organised the gifts and posted 75% of them in the first week of the month! Personal high. To balance that, I  needed until 2 days before the big day to organise most of what I wanted to give Husband. Go figure.
The boys were very happy with their loot, and were thankful and not grabby or envious of their bro’s toys. Another personal high.
Christmas and Boxing Days, I stayed in pajamas until midday, and stayed up until midnight watching movies with red wine and Husband.
We went for a bushwalk in the back of our backyard, twice, and Husband is not adverse to me embellishing the path, on top of all of my other lofty projects. What a sweet heart!
School holiday programs, a clean house for photo opps, kid-made tree ornaments and santa photos were lovely this year, and to top it off, I took a great photo of myself while 4yo slept in Husband’s arms during his big bro’s school performance.

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Check out that sweet jaw line!

There is nothing more I can wish for everyone than happy kids, relaxing days and flattering selfies.

It’s his Birthday

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Nearly 4yo will be 4 on Tuesday, and his birthday party is tomorrow. Almost strictly little people might be an opportunity to tone down my expectations and decorations, especially in the kitchen. I have pinned a bunch of stuff and tried my hand at the rice krispie treats this morning, but I forgot that working with rice krispies and melted marshmallow blows. So no krispie dog bones, or cute dog bowls with widdle treats inside, wah. Nearly 4yo is having a Paw Patrol party. Luckily we have plastic construction and fireman hats, plus a few extras. I’m expecting Chase (the police dog) and Super Spy Chase to be the faves.
— time out for accidents, the actual birthday party, shopping afterwards then being glued to the box for coverage of the seige in Sydney —
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The party was fun, though the kids didn’t keep any of the hats on long enough for photos! This was taken afterwards.
The backyard was too soft and squishy for an obstacle course, which was my original thought, so the kids had to make a nest for a family of birds thag had lost theirs, before the baby bird got too cold. I had that great idea while I was fuming in the spare room over the farking lego spread ev-ree-where, and toys hell to breakfast.
I made the certificates because I thought they would be a fun take home novelty, without buying plastic crappy novelties for the treat bags.

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Doggy bags!


There were also cute little paw patrol badges that I made up.
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What a great day!

Putting the Pep back in our Prep

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http://www.komonews.com/news/local/Eerie-quiet-at-NW-fault-where-big-one-may-shake-284634851.html?mobile=y

I saw this article today, and Husband demanded I forward it to him. We’ve been talking about earthquakes a bit lately, because the big one is overdue, donchaknow. Seriously, it’s overdue. If something does happen, it will be when he is away, though, so I’ve got to make sure that I am prepared as much as he is.
We haven’t stocked up on food for a while, so we wanted to buy one of those buckets that feed a family of 4 for a month during a zombie apocalypse, or something, at costco today, but they were sold out! We have thought about buying weapons, but we argue about that a lot, so we haven’t made any purchases. Friends of ours were very close to the fires in California a little while back and the possibility of looting and etc was too real. I’m naively assuming that is not a possibility for us, providing I stop blogging about it, so, yeah.
Anyhoo, we need more food and water, so will get onto costco online soon for the food caches and order those big bottles of water that are supposed to be for awkward hangouts in offices as well, because the thin plastic bottles in fred meyer, etc, get holes in them when you look at them.
We do have a cool hand pump that I got at home depot that the kids messed around with (and then I might have driven over becauae it was lefr on the bloody driveway), but it should still work with half the length of hose. We envision using it to pump water from the rain barrels so we can flush the toilets. On the drive across town today, I also thought we should get some terracotta pots that we could use to pump some water into for drinking, because one of the crazy preppers from tv said you can use them to filter water. He also knows how to make his own antibiotics, but I’m not ready for that just yet.
The thing is, though, that most prepping foods have wheat crap in them, so they won’t be good for nearly 4yo. Even during a few weeks or months of the national guard presence, I still want to have non-wheat foods (or faux foods, it won’t pay to be picky when all the stores have been looted, plus I need longevity in this stuff) for him/us.
Somewhere, I heard, read or saw that in just 3 days of no power, disrupted transport and/or widespread emergency situations, all stores selling food and drink will be empty. We aren’t near any stores, so we won’t have the luxury of 3 days of looting.
But where to put this stuff? If there is an earthquake, will the house fall over? We are on a hill. Will there be a landslide? A sink hole? I’ve put a container of food in our spare room, and there is a stash in our bathroom, but I think I need to put stuff in the outbuildings, too. I can’t put all my eggs in one house.
In the event of “holy fuck! We need to get out of here!” I have red backpacks filled with a day or two of stuff, plus medical supplies, those tinfoil blankets and a bunch of whathaveyou, but now I think we need duplicates for outside, in case the house is in a shambles. Because in the holy fuck event, we might not be able to get the backpacks.
I highly recommend emergency backpacks. They are a little bit of peace of mind in this whole preppers shenanigan paradise. I’m also contemplating life straws, for the same reason.
Let me know if I’m missing something from your emergency supplies list!

PSA: Dandelion tea

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My boys are wonderful, but they are also gross, and touch everything and lick some of it and then suck their lips or fingers or whatever. Guh-ross.
I was reading a hippy blog last year and found a solution: roasted root of dandelion tea. I found some at fred meyer and brewed it for the boys; it is apparently good for digestion, but it is also fantastic for ridding the skin on widdle faces of the redness of rashes (if not the rashes themselves?) and the redness from sucking or licking in dry, winter weather. It tastes a bit like coffee, in my opinion, but the boys are used to it now, and when I plonk a cup in front of them, they just drink it down. After 2 – 3 days, there is no red mustache on 6yo’s face; after 4-5 days, the rash on 7.5yo’s face is barely there at all.
If you, like me, don’t like your kids looking like hobos, I highly recommend getting some roasted root of dandelion tea at your earliest convenience. You’re welcome.

Bleak Friday

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Happy thanksgiving! Now try to enjoy a long weekend with kids out of their routine.

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Big boys slept in until nearly 9am, which was amazing! Usually they don’t make up for lost sleep after a long night. This gives me hope that they will sleep through their teenage years and there will be minimal blow back. Or maybe I will sleep through them, with enough wine. However, nearly 4yo hopped into our bed at 3 am and proceeded to kick Husband in the nads for the next 5 hours, *snicker*.
After a loose breakfast, we watched a marathon of Ninjago. I heart Ninjago! I’m super pleased that I’m now caught up and understand just what the hail was going on. And I’m pumped about the new season! Cut to a while after what should have been lunch time, judging by the amount of jumpiness and fighting on the couch between the natives, and we had the obligatory leftover turkey. But I put a fun spin on mine – I heated up a mug of gravy and put meat chunks inside it! Totes delish. I am wondering how to make the same principle work for dinner, but with wine.